I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
