Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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