wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
