I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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