I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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