Pants 0. Shit 1.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
is it fun? or sober?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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