i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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