Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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