Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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