I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
