she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
