Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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