Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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