the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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