Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
