You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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