I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
