fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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