I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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