FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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