RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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