I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon