just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.