At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
