You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH