She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH