Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.