well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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