i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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