i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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