i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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