I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
