Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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