We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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