So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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