I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
