I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
