Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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