barbara walters just said penis...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
