how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.