did you get engaged???
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Green mimosas i think yes
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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