There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
