Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think i got beer on your cat.
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