so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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