I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
