My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
