tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
