Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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