she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
