I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
