By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
