Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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