the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
