Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The air taste purple.
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