the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
