Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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