Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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