hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I forget how to act sober
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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