We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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