Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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