I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
