I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
