but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
