it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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