Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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