his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
